About two years ago my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and what I'm about to write here may seem odd. I know this is a terrible disease, but for me it has been a blessing.
My dad was a verbally abusive man who obviously did not want children, From the time I was around five years old I knew...that I would never be like him.
I spent almost 47 years of my life putting up with his insults, bullying and control. Finally, the day came where I realized that I couldn't take it one more day. I sat down on my bathroom floor and cried. I cried out to God in intense pain saying, "He's always so mean to me! I can't take this anymore! I give up, God! I surrender!"
A few weeks went by and I began to receive phone calls from people that had known my dad for years telling me about his recent strange behavior. He was visiting his bank numerous times a day for exactly the same thing. A long time dentist was concerned about the way he was forgetting. He had paid his monthly rent three times. At first I wasn't sure what I should to do. When I asked my dad questions he wouldn't answer.
Some time went by before I was able to get a diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease, but when I did I felt such a great sadness. He'd never taken the time to get to know me. He'd never taken the opportunity to tell me that he was sorry.
As I was packing up dad's belongings to move him into a home I came across notes on pictures and papers. There were photos of me with the words he'd written, "My beautiful, lovely daughter, I love my daughter so much." Next to my phone number it said, "I'm so proud she's my daughter."
I now sit and watch the man who use to be my dad and realize for the first time in his life, he is happy. He smiles and laughs and sings. He is no longer able to control. He no longer remembers to be mean. Alzheimer's stole my dad's memory, but gave a gift to me.
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Wow, this is remarkable. The story is amazing, and your telling is so easy to read. You're a good writer.
ReplyDeleteBut also, my mom had Alzheimer's. I experienced something very similar to what you did, and so did others in my family. Mom wasn't mean like your dad, but she had traits that were let's say intense. When she got Alzheimer's, the things that annoyed us went away. Now there were seasons when her Alzheimer's behavior was ornery, weird and very annoying. But most of the time, she became a different, calmer person. It was miserable seeing our mom disappear. She was gone. But there was something good about the affection we felt for the person she remained.
It's wonderful you saw those notes of your dad's.
Yes, there is still a Ledges Playhouse but I never go there. I have a brother in GL, but I don't get there often. I graduated in 1974.
Thank you for your compliments Ruth-that was wonderful gift!
ReplyDeleteYour were very fortunate in having family members to share your experiences and thoughts with. Sometimes it gets pretty lonely for me and I write my feelings down just to get the stress out.
I've heard many people tell me about how their parents use to be nice then turned mean with Alzheimer's. I can't imagine having to go through something like that. I guess in some ways we are two of the lucky ones...it doesn't sound right to say that, but in some ways it's true.